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to free to be held down..yet so intense i cant be forgotten.. yeah.. thats me and no apologies 

LIMITLESS is an ongoing discovery about a ways of life and how to rise above your challenges. I started this walk in 2009, I stopped, then I came back to my first love. Let's keep doing this people, that way, we would never give up!

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Sunday, May 16, 2010

No One!

Hi everyone, it’s been a while now since I’ve blogged or at the very least, it seems that way to me; I have been bedridden and in pains. On Thursday morning the 13th of May 2010, it seemed I would lose my life to an ailment I have lived with most of my life. I’m asthmatic. The chronic kind; but prior to that day, the previous week or so, I had gone for my medication so I wasn’t worried for my health besides, that was the least of my worries because I was plagued with measles, typhoid and malaria. Someone asked me if there was anyone I had wronged, just me? All at once? So as I lay on my bed to weak to speak, I had difficulty in breathing which, I thought would pass and in a matter of seconds I was barely hanging by the tread.
Inside of me, at that moment, I had given up on surviving it this time, I believed this wasn’t my lucky day as I wasn’t expecting anyone to come check on me in my room at that time. I was ready to meet my maker and had asked for forgiveness the best way I could.
I lost consciousness and it happened that God used my little cousin who woke up early and sort of drifted to my room since the T.V in my room was on, to save me and that has been a mystery to me. I’d like to think that God has great plans for me and I am eager to know what it seeing that he keeps saving me.
That brings me to the next issue I need to get of my chest. I don’t like being unhappy or hurt if I can afford it and I try as much as possible to avoid it but still it comes in different ways. I’m not here lament or wallow in self-pity but still, I’m entitled to question things I find abnormal. Please correct me if I’m wrong but when you’re ill, your core friends are supposed to check in on you, show they care right? So, I won’t be assuming too much if I feel the people I have as my so called close friends should call me and inquire after me? They should ‘embarrass’ me with phone calls and text messages but I got none of that and to say that I’m angry is an understatement! I am also hurt and I feel like crying. Someone would probably tell me that life isn’t always about me and that they probably had stuff going on in their lives yeah? I disagree. I’m not self-centered nor do I expect so much from my friends. I am always there for them, not that I expect that to be a pre-requisite for their care or affection. But, it hurt, so very much that I find my heart breaking all over again. There are times that you can be vulnerable and need to be reassured that you have people who actually care about you and at that state of my vulnerability, they were found wanting; it just buttresses the fact that I am destined to be a loner. I have decided to drop all my ‘friends’ seeing that I don’t want to get hurt. I would cope, afterall, I did while I was ill didn’t I?
I just need to thank Seye Kuyinu of www.seye.blogspot.com your calls, text messages as well as the time you gave to me is appreciated and I sincerely hope I can repay you. Thanks for being there.
‘Bleble’ (for that’s what I call her) for checking in on me. Despite her busy schedule as the Editor of a publication, she still had my time and to think before now I barely gave her time. Thank you so much dear.
Nat who has a demanding job and also is working on his new album still kept checking up on me. I would upload two of his new songs for you but with his permission of course although he doesn’t need publicity from me since he already has it but I’d most sincerely want to be the first to play it on the internet since I have it already.
Abdulameed, for what it’s worth, thank you so much for calling.
Most of my friends read my blog and if I when you do, I’m dead serious about this post. Most times you all think I’m one strong lady but please I’m no SUPERWOMAN and definitely not SUPERHUMAN! I’m just tired of acting strong, of taking all the crap you all dish out. I am tired! I am fed up! There’s a limit to my patience and understanding, I can’t take it anymore. I’d be glad if we never speak again! There’s no harm in being without friends; after all, I’ve had loads of years of experience; I’m an only child so please, get going!