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to free to be held down..yet so intense i cant be forgotten.. yeah.. thats me and no apologies 

LIMITLESS is an ongoing discovery about a ways of life and how to rise above your challenges. I started this walk in 2009, I stopped, then I came back to my first love. Let's keep doing this people, that way, we would never give up!

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Saturday, February 13, 2010


People, for once I do not have the answers .Maybe ‘cause this involves me and it is in the now. Right now, I’m a confused person and I certainly do not want to make any mistakes as I’m too close to this and my heart is involved. You my people are on the outside. Tell me what you see.

I met this wonderful guy through mutual friends who wanted us to stop brooding, go out and have fun. He’d lived all his life in London but wanted to relocate to Nigeria. I was disgruntled with Nigeria and was making plans to travel for my masters. Anyway we met and decided we liked each other and actually wanted a quiet relationship.We had dreams, a good life, good job and subsequently, God willing, marriage.

He got a job and I was so happy for him but he had to go back to London. He had an operation to undergo plus he had to sell off his house, car, pay off his bills, tidy up and then come back to resume at his new place of work

So we planned together including how we would stay together when he came back all in the spirit of making serious commitments to each other. I had to go back to my work station as I was on vacation when we met and we started conversing through phone calls and text messages.
Anyway, the night before he was billed to travel, since I couldn’t leave my work station, we planned to talk that night, make plans and all. At 9pm, his number stopped going through and I assumed he needed time to discuss with his mum, take care of family, and put finishing touches to his packing before having time to speak with me on the phone.

I waited, kept waiting and still kept trying his number till I went berserk but still believed there was an explanation. My friends were in disbelief as we thought that certainly before his 10am flight he’d at least call me to say, ‘B’ or “the law” as he calls me, I’m leaving.
I wait tire. No show. Well, it dawned on me that my guy wasn’t going to call me. I broke down and cried bitterly. I was hurt, I screamed. I wanted to die. It just wasn’t happening to me again. This heartbreak? I couldn’t believe.
I rushed to the café since my network wasn’t working and sent a mail of 3 pages to him accusing him for hurting me and demanding an explanation only for the mail to be sent back to me that the address does not exist.

I died and woke up. My heart died. My spirit died. I lost whatever capacity to feel anything for anyone. I was recovering from heartbreak and now this? I searched for him through the friends who hooked us up, they had no answers. You see we had just met and it was a new relationship, I didn’t know much about him except what he told me. I searched and asked mutual friends in the Uk about him but no one had a clue as to who or where he was. He was like a phantom, and I, a joke.
I kept trying his number intermittedly for 8months. And then, today, this very morning, while at work, I was scrolling down an old phone and came across an old text he sent to me; I hissed.. I wanted to delete the text, number, everything about him and then deciding to punish myself one more time, I called the number.

The phone rang.
It rang my people, It rang. kept ringing. At first, I thought I was imagining it and I used my other line to call him and it still rang but no answer. I screamed! I didn’t know what to think so I called a close friend of mine and told her. She was so shocked she was speechless. As soon as I ended the call with my with my girlfriend, he called asking who it was that called him that he didn’t know who had the number. I was incoherent that I stuttered but in the end I asked if this was him, he said yes I identified myself and he said “oh, the law, what’s up? How did you get to know I was back?”.
I cringed. I told him to get out and I cut the phone on him.
He called me and said that he could explain, and asked how I was, where was I?.I kept dissing him and told him to free my line that his voice was grating on my ears then he said ok, that he’d call back later.
I could not contain myself so I sent him some pretty nasty text messages and he replied, Here are some of his replies.
-“U don’t need 2 go on like that b,dere is a good explanation for all this,luv…I swear ‘ve tried 2 locate you and I didn’t have your number…pls cl me ASAP. I really I’m happy 2 hear from you again”
-Just got bac from d uk b… Dere is no need for all this babes.. like I told you, I was gonna return bac 2 9ja b4 d year ends lost my handset but still deleted my sim and all my contact were on the phone luv…so pls stop all dis and lets talk..booooy, I missed you.

Anyway, when I finally took his call ,he kept apologizing for not telling me that he was going to leave at night not day and that as for the email, it was hotmail,not aol(but I was really sure he said aol).Finally that he’s been in 9ja since January, the first week even and had called our friends to ask of my number and was told that they had lost my contact..(my girlfriend told me to verify that.) He said he kept wishing that since he still had his sim that I’d just call one day. He said he wants to see me and that I should stop being mad at him about the past, since he can only keep saying sorry and that wont achieve anything, He suggested we go on with the future.
I haven’t been myself, the whole of today.. It’s been crazy. We even spoke through the night.. Catching up.. but I don’t know..
I’m confused-this is me 2cute4u, confused and in my heart, I’ve forgiven him but should I give him a chance?whatdaya think?


Writefreak said...

I just sorta find it hard to believe!
You may listen to him, yes, you should be able to tell if he's lying to you or telling the truth, see him in person, see if he avoids your eyes etc...
And please, don't move in with someone you're not married to..it just makes the whole thing complicated. (my thoughts)
And if you're still hurting from a past relationship, give yourself time to heal. Take care!

Reformed Slut said...

My heart is aching for you after reading this sad and dissappointing story. Having had a heartbreak that reminds me of this I know exactly how you feel. There could be a million explanations for what happened but...I just dont buy it. Something is not quite right. I think this man is an opportunist and I would not let him in to use you again. Sure, you two probably had a very real and legitimate connection, but considerring you have mutual friends I just don't believe he couldn't find the resources to connect with you prior to the accidental phone call. If you were to attempt to get togethr however innocently it would end up hurting you in the end. I don't think he is a trustworthy man and you would always have in the back of your miund that he could disappear again. However safe would you really feel in a relationship like that?
Then again...
Love is a pretty strong emotion sweetie and I know you will find the right answer. Follow your heart and even if you do something crazy like fall in love with him again and give it a chance, just be happy. Enjoy the moment and know that even if doesn't last forever you will cherish the memories.

Anonymous said...

hun, its ok 2 be confused atyms..we all dont have the answers to our problems.
Thats y u got us on blogsville..
I cant bliv he didnt call.. :-(
You shouldnt just write him off based on all this.
A part of me is saying forgive another part is sayin No.
Forgiveness is very powerful. Pls give him a chance, something great might come out of it..
Goodluck hun

Myne Whitman said...

I always go on the part of forgiveness. Whether you guys get back together is another story. You guys should sit down together and talk through this. I hope this helps cos I guess this is not an easy period for you. Hugs..

akaBagucci said...

I'm an advocate of hearing people out.. and giving them a chance to find redemption... i'd suggest you give things some time before deciding one way or the other... My head says its BS.. your heart seems to tug you in the opposite direction..

Fragilelooks said...

i'l say, hear him out bt hold bk ur emotions a bit. i knw how confusing dis can be bt if he's lying to u,i bet u can tell. B careful dearie.

Fragilelooks said...

Guard ur heart dis time. Dnt jst open up urslf to him like a book lest he rumples it and tosses it away.

AJ said...

Oh dear, I am so sorry for your pain, but you need to hear this...you were played! Biggest time! You put your heart in this too soon, wore your affections on your sleeve and he realised this and took you for a mug.

1. 8 months?! Really? And you had mutual friends, you rang his phone, emailed him...nothing. And he "supposedly" tried to get in touch and your mutual friends "lost" your contacts too...do I need to go on?!

2. On some subconscious level, you knew it was too good to be true - otherwise, why send him a 3 page hurtful letter after he left the country, without giving him the benefit of the doubt that he will call once he got back to London? Either that, or you have some unresolved trust issues from a leftover relationship.

My advice is to let this guy just go, he is too "shady", what is to stop him going AWOL again on you sometime in the future? You deserve much, much better.

BBB said...

give him a chance to explain
but dont be gullible

guard ur heart girl
but if he turns out ok after a while
just let things go

Mwajim Al said...

I am definitely with Myne on this one, believe me it always helps to sit and talk everything out through, lay everything on the table once and for all to hear the truth, and then forgive from the heart and see where it goes from there. Step by step, am sure you'll heal!

Repressed One said...

8months?? In these days of [over]technology he couldn't find a way to get in contact with you?? Hell, he coulda hand written a letter and snail mailed it...I call total BS!!

That said...because i know we [especially women] need closure...hear what the dude has to say...don't fall for his sweet mouth sha.

histreasure said...

i totally co-sign repressed one..while reading, all i kept thinking of was, he could've googled ur name even if all else failed n what exactly happened that night?

blogsville's got the answers..hear him out but be careful what u believe

Anonymous said...

sweetie im so sorry bout wat u went tru cos stuff of d heart aint easy bt i must tell u cos im a guy, dat dude has no excuse at all, if he really wanted he cud have reached u conviniently tru ur mutaul friends it wudnt even take a month 2 do dat. so i think hes playin u big time pls watch out. u say you dont know much about him and yet ure tryin 2 make plans it a guy u barely know dat aint rite its like ure abit too in a hurry and dat leads to mistakes like dis. how long did u know him b4 for falling for him or acceptin to go out wit him, dat matters except u guys just want a booty call kind of relationship if u guys already done dat. heres d advice a girl i luvd n still luv tolded me: if u rush in in2 it dats how u rush out of it(relationship)jo

P'sy-A-wana said...

sorry this is coming late but here's my take on your dilemma, people lie and they also tell the truth methinks he's lying...A friend of mine passed away last month and I realized that life is finite, so in the words of a good friend of mine "The streets are militant you've got to be a soldier" translation there's no time to waste....in case you still don't get it kick his ARSE to the curb....thanks for stopping by

P'sy-A-wana said...

sometimes people lie and atimes they tell the truth. If I didnt call a girl for as long as he didnt call you and I tell her some bs story and she believes it I'm going to laugh about it wiv my friends....sides life is too short to waste on inconsequential things(people) its not an infinite thing you know...